Wednesday, September 16, 2009
i swear im tired of everthing. i feel like cutting myself. to her, only my brother is the best. to her, only he is the most filial. i hate to feel like this, but what can i do. yes, euu hate miie to the core. will euu be happy when i die? if yes, im willing to give my life to euu. to some, i may be childish, i may be immature, i may not know how to think. But just listen to what she say, it just so disheartening. i cant help to think this way. i want to leave. i really do. i hate being just 18 years old. i hope i can finish my studies now and earned my own money. so that i dont have to depend on them. Euu just cant imagine how much they want miie to leave. sometimes i feel that im not part of the family. Am i? i began to doubt about it.
euu will never know how much the things euu said have hurt miie. euu simply say whatever that euu like, but have euu even spare a thought for miie. no, euu did not. seems like to euu, euu only have got one child, that's eur son. not miie. not at all. i hate it. euu once said, if euu knew that i will become so rebellious, euu would have stranggled miie to death since the day im born. yes. i hope that euu have did that 18 years ago. at least not, euu will be happier and i will not feel so miserable. but what did i actually do? did i do something that is illegal? have i ever learn to smoke or mixed with those bad company. i dont remember doing that. seriously, the reason to why im studying so hard is all because of euu. i wanted to give euua good life, i wanted euu to live in luxury when euu are old. that's why no matter how tired i am, i would fought till the end. that's my motivating force. but didnt did i expect that in eur eyes, im just a useless brat to euu. rubbish should i call myself. euu only care about eur own feelings and thought, have euu ever thought of mine? no, euu did not. euu think i will drive euu to death, but i just want to let euu know that, before euu can do that, i'll die before euu do. i swear.
euu will never know how much the things euu said have hurt miie. euu simply say whatever that euu like, but have euu even spare a thought for miie. no, euu did not. seems like to euu, euu only have got one child, that's eur son. not miie. not at all. i hate it. euu once said, if euu knew that i will become so rebellious, euu would have stranggled miie to death since the day im born. yes. i hope that euu have did that 18 years ago. at least not, euu will be happier and i will not feel so miserable. but what did i actually do? did i do something that is illegal? have i ever learn to smoke or mixed with those bad company. i dont remember doing that. seriously, the reason to why im studying so hard is all because of euu. i wanted to give euua good life, i wanted euu to live in luxury when euu are old. that's why no matter how tired i am, i would fought till the end. that's my motivating force. but didnt did i expect that in eur eyes, im just a useless brat to euu. rubbish should i call myself. euu only care about eur own feelings and thought, have euu ever thought of mine? no, euu did not. euu think i will drive euu to death, but i just want to let euu know that, before euu can do that, i'll die before euu do. i swear.
what we could have been, 8:40 AM.
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